Jungle Cruising

The Jungle Cruise ride is known for its puns, dry humor, and lighthearted delivery. In other words, it's dad-joke city!

Introduction:

• "Welcome aboard the world-famous Jungle Cruise, folks! My name is [Skipper's Name], and I’ll be your skipper, guide, social director, and swimming instructor... if you don’t laugh at my jokes. Now, please remain seated and keep your hands, arms, feet, and legs inside the boat at all times. Parents, watch your kids. Kids, watch your parents... because I sure won't."

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Entering the jungle:

• "As we begin our journey, take a look to your right! You'll see some beautiful plants and trees. Fun fact: the names of all these plants? George. I don’t know why; it’s just what they told me."

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Giant butterflies:

• "Coming up, we’ve got some of the largest butterflies in the world. Their wingspan can reach 12 inches to a whopping 1 foot! Isn’t that just... impressive?"

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The Mekong River (ancient temple scene):

• "We’re entering the sacred temple now, folks. Legend has it, there's treasure inside... but knowing our luck, it's probably just more bad jokes."

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Gorilla camp scene:

• "On your left, you'll see a group of gorillas taking over a campsite. I guess they really went bananas! Don’t worry, I told them not to touch anything... especially that red button over there... oh well, they’ll learn."

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Elephant bathing pool:

• "And now, for one of our most magical moments: the elephant bathing pool! Go ahead, take all the pictures you like; they have their trunks on!"
• "That big one over there has been in the shower for a while... look at all the wrinkles! Kids, this is what happens when you stay in too long."

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Angry hippos:

• "Uh-oh, we’ve wandered into dangerous territory: the infamous hippo pool! Don’t panic, folks, I know how to scare them away... I love you! I want commitment!" (Hippos remain, ignoring the joke) "Well, that didn’t work. Let’s just keep moving."

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The African Veldt (animals on the plains):

• "To your right, you'll see the African Veldt, home to a variety of wildlife. Look! Lions, giraffes, and zebras. Oh my! And up ahead, a pride of lions enjoying their favorite meal... zebra on the rocks."

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Rhino and explorers up a tree:

• "Here we have some explorers up a tree. Looks like that rhino is trying to poke a hole in their argument. Don’t worry, they’ll get the point in the end. It’s always nice to see folks getting a head start!"

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Schweitzer Falls:

• "And now, we approach the famous Schweitzer Falls, named after the great explorer... Dr. Albert... Falls. Don’t worry if you didn’t get it; you’ll get a second chance on the way back."

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The piranha attack:

• "Oh no! We’re entering piranha-infested waters! Folks, these are the fiercest creatures in the jungle... Women and children first, please! Don't worry, they only go after the red meat, so you're all good, right?"

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Trader Sam (head salesman of the jungle):

• "We’re nearing the end of our journey, but not before meeting our friend Trader Sam. He's the head salesman here in the jungle. Business has been shrinking lately, but he’s offering a deal: two of his heads for one of yours. Either way, you’ll come out ahead!"

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Final joke as you dock:

• "Well folks, as we approach the dock, I want to thank you for joining me on the Jungle Cruise today. Remember, if you enjoyed yourself, my name is [Skipper's Name], and this has been the world-famous Jungle Cruise. If you didn’t, well... my name is Darth Vader, and this was Star Tours."

The long story:

The Interrogation Room

As they were ushered into the Star Destroyer by stern-faced First Order officers, Zac whispered to Kevin, “We’ve got to stay calm. No way they’ll break us in that interrogation room!”

“I’m just hoping they don’t have Kylo Ren waiting for us,” Kevin replied, trying to sound brave but not doing a great job of hiding his nerves.

They were marched into an interrogation room, the walls illuminated by glowing red lights. Suddenly, Kylo Ren’s menacing figure appeared on the balcony above them, and his voice boomed through the chamber. The kids leaned in closer to each other, genuinely nervous.

“Do you know where the Resistance base is?” Kylo Ren growled, his voice cold and threatening.

Lincoln, standing near the back, muttered under his breath, "Please don’t pick me, please don’t pick me…"

Before Kylo could make good on his threat to pry the information from their minds, the Resistance arrived just in time to break them out. Doors opened, and a heroic Resistance fighter rushed them out of the room.

“Let’s go!” Parkar shouted, leading the way as they hurried into the escape vehicles.

The Escape Begins

As they sat down in their vehicles, which were piloted by a droid, Gage could barely keep still. “We’re actually escaping! This is the coolest thing ever.”

“Do you think we’ll have to fight Kylo Ren?” Zac asked, excitement building.

The ride kicked into full gear as their vehicle darted through the Star Destroyer. The kids laughed, screamed, and shouted as they dodged blaster fire and navigated through the ship’s massive hallways. Stormtroopers aimed their blasters at them, sending laser fire streaking overhead.

“I almost got hit!” Kaiden yelled, ducking in his seat, even though the blaster fire was nowhere close to him.

“Stay low! They can’t hit you if you move fast!” Brandon advised, as if they were in a real battle.

Suddenly, the ride took them into a room with AT-AT walkers towering above them. “Look how huge they are!” Trevor said, craning his neck to see the full size of the machines.

Their vehicle zigzagged through the legs of the walkers, and they all shrieked when the vehicle jerked upward, sending them into a vertical lift.

“I think we’re going straight into space!” Kevin shouted, gripping his seat.